The Sunday Muse

My muse... Her whispers... tingling my inner ear...
Opening my mind to questions...
Inspiring me to challenge what I was told...
Not accepting yet understanding...
Questioning and forming my own idea...
That way I can make mine an idea proposed by another being...

And so the story unfolds...

Yesterday... as I sat there in church, participating at Mass...
I left the words of the preacher flow in my mind...
Allowing their essence to illuminate the dark recesses of my mind and heart...

He's a good preacher...
Talks straight and cuts the chase by giving you crude facts and knowledge...
Then he leaves you to understand the information and accept it on your own...

Of all the few points about which he talked about...
One stuck out... My gears clicked and refused to agree on the one point...
This is the dilemma, for me the greatest paradox, proposed by Christian Faith...

"Do Good in this life... That way you can earn your place in heaven".
"Follow the footsteps of Christ in order to save your self..."

How can such an egoistical idea exist in a religion whose principals rely on Self Sacrifice...?
I can't understand... I cannot agree on this point...

What is the reason that we should consider when performing a 'good' deed...
An act that is meant to bring goodness to those around you...
Should it be pursued by the belief that that is the thing one should do?
Should it be pushed by the belief that one wants to do 'good' in his life...
Should it be instilled in oneself due to the fact that he/she doesn’t want to be a tool that causes pain, suffering...?

Or should it be pursued for a sense of self redemption??
I shall do this 'good' act in order to save myself...

Why should we human beings act out of fear from the final judgment...?
Why should we act out of hope that we will be saved as a direct consequence of our actions?
How come one is so intent on saving his self that he acts and follows the rules of 'good' conduct...?
How come we don't do evil just because if we do we will be punished with eternal damnation...?

How do we pretend that we can control our faiths through our actions... when our actions are based on an egoistic ideal...?

Personally, I do not act and do 'good' so that God can see my actions and then judge me accordingly...
I do not want a guarantee that God will grant me eternal peace just because I do what I believe to be the good thing to do...

I lend a hand with the Third World Group, where we take care of a few kids from dysfunctional families and environment...
I am not there to judge them, I am not there to feel superior, and I am not there so that I earn my place in heaven...
Frankly, I 'don’t care'... I do not presume to be able to control God's decision...
That is for him to make. I am there because I believe that that is what I should be doing...
I feel it in my soul... A resonating ideal... a living belief that I should act in that manner...

I am there because I believe that I can make a small difference... even if that difference can only last a few seconds...
But, as I said before, I leave God's decision out of it...
I do not follow my religion in order to save my soul...
If God deems that I should be damned to Hell then that will be it...

At least I will know deep in my heart that I did what I felt that I should have done...
I followed my own conscience and did the right thing just because I believed that that is what I should have done...
Without expecting any reward back... not from God, nor from those with whom I work...

Mind you... I do believe in God...
And my daily prayer is the most influential phrase I ever read anywhere...
"Mhux kif irrid jien... imma kif trid int...”
The English Translation would be "Thy will be done"


Don't mistake me for a saint, for I have my sins and their burden I shall carry with me...
I do not presume anything from God...
For what he has given me, He can take...
I am but a creature of him... who hopes he's doing Good in his life...
Not to be rewarded... but to just do something worthwhile...
without causing pain and suffering to those around him...

I am no saint.. I am no poet...
I am just a cynical optimist with a sense of abstract belief...

As I said before...

My muse has struck its blow...
but now left me back on my track...
Alone, I face my life...
With a grin on my face and a thought off my chest...

Cheers.

'Let my wings take flight'

Alone... Abandoned... My Muse... where are you?

Waiting for inspiration to hit me like a ton of brick....

Seems just as if my muse decided to take a break.. or is even more occupied then I am lately...

From the daily happenings of this being...
caught up in a torrent of routine quenching, lifestyle ripping flow of events...

Yet the worst should be over now... the flow of tranquilty should be restored...
and with it will settle back those things which I like doing..

Voluntary Work with kids, Judo.. and hopefully ill get some time to spend with my GirlFriend.. It's like we have been robbed of those few moments where we can just stay together lately...

But... Anyways... back to the quest to find my muse.. maybe ill get something done..

And so the epic quest begins...

And so the epic quest begins...
One blog.. A few personalities... A multitude of Questions...

Starting off with a simple hello world(); would be a typical start.. But for those unlucky enough to know me well... I am not that typical...

A hard working, (head banging) Programmer by day, Passionate Lover in the afternoon, and Avid Gamer at night… accompanied by the occasional bassist, judoka or Volunteer worker… Taking life as it comes, learning,suffering and enjoying it to the full whenever the time comes.

"Some call me perfection incarnate... and I know they are right.. But Im not the one who should be boasting here.." That is one of my alter ego's but he's been quite lately.. :) A facade of the past created to enjoy life... Currently I enjoy living life moment per moment… Standing Out from the crowd, Stepping In as need be… Taking the lead or following another is just a matter of circumstance…

Continuing a work of art started off 20 years ago who has a plethora of aspects all bound together by a being who simply dismisses the idea of becoming static and accustomed to just one state. One thing remains the same throughout the whole masterpiece, myself… who knows how to adapt and change depending on the situation… Holding on to those things which are important and define this abstract being, my love, my ideals, my beliefs and my friends…

But enough about me…

The stage is set… the actors hustle by and get in place… And so the story begins to unfold, a sad tale of comic proportions… This tale is not for the faint of heart, nor for those who accept life the way it comes without first discussing its scenario… Do not feel scared to be lost alone… for in the depth of the unconscious shall you find the true being which pulsates in life…

And remember… Always support the broccoli’s vegetarian revolution…

Cheers